Food for Thought

So today was an interesting day...actually it really wasn't but I figure this would capture your attention.

So lately I have been doing a lot of thinking (what's new right?) and I discovered that the reason why I loved the performing arts and that whole "sha-bang" if you will, is because it allowed me my cathartic release of emotion.

If anyone knows me they know that I tend to hold everything in and build all my emotions up into this really small bottle and then someone will do or say the wrong thing and I'll just explode with this horrific, dramatic melt down of tears, spit and yelling all rolled into one...not a pretty picture.

When I watch movies, plays or perform on stage, I envelope myself in the character that I'm playing or the character that I can relate to the most and I get lost in the dynamics of that person or feeling. When the character has their cathartic release of emotion and their arc comes full circle, the story resolves... then I think subconsciously...my problem that I'm experiencing at the moment feels as if it has resolved right along with the character. Even though the problem hasn't fixed itself, the purge of emotion I feel with the player has helped release some of the tension in that emotional bottle I hold inside.

Thinking about this has made me realize that this is not a bad thing but I think it's time that I naturally purge my emotions rather than live through the stories of others.

As like any girl I watch those "chick flicks" and relive a fairy tale/love story over and over again every time I watch. And when I view the "action" films I release my rage and anger. Why do we do this in society? Or maybe it's just me...so then why do I do this? I think it's my way of coping with change, anger, sadness, love, happiness...etc. This is why I love movies. I had thought that the reason why I'm a big movie buff, is simply because I just enjoy watching them. Don't get me wrong, I do but another part of it is that I love them because I use them as tools to learn more about myself. Weird I know, but theatre and acting in general is a reflection of real life. That's why the entertainment industry will never go bankrupt because life will never go bankrupt.

I promise I'm not always this analytical and deep in thought. These were just some feelings I approached today after watching yet another movie. :) Anyways moral of the story (because the performer in me is telling me this post needs to have a resolution), I think that movies and the arts have been a blessing in my life, as a kind of training wheel(s) to help me learn more about myself. Since I will no longer be studying this area for a degree I hope that I will be able to take the training wheels off, even just for a bit and learn more about myself.

I will always love movies. I will always love the performing arts. I will always use them for my own cathartic release...but perhaps now I can discover new outlets for this bottle of emotion...perhaps this blog :) Anyways just some food for thought.